Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
