Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
