Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
