dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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