If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
