Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
