You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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