happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
