everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
