it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
