You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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