Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize