***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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