good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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