Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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