so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
