whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
