so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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