do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
