I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize