So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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