My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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