"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize