I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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