wrigley field is MILF paradise
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
