The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Let's get the cat blown out
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
