This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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