Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
