I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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