and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
