so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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