if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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