Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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