i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
