I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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