At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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