How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
