What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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