I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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