wat bout pragnant strippers??
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
