im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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