i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
and you fell through a lawn chair
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
