:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
