Who did Billy Mays play for?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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