wrigley field is MILF paradise
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
