How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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