My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize