well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
