3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We are two peas in an std pod
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
