remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
