i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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