I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
