I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
