A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize