i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
