i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
