I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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