So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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