well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
