dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
