Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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