I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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