Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize