I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
