haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
