But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
