I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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