i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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