Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
