I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
