I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my phone needs a breathalizer
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize