I feel like abortions should bother me more
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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