I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
