Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
