Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
