Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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