I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
